Tears.

i'm a nothing on the floor
in the corner where no one would notice anyway

i'm your 1am two hour long session
alone in bed

i watch those fleeting thoughts
you thought you'd forget

i hold onto everything
everything you never thought you'd be

your feeble attempts of hiding me under your blanket
won't hide the swollen blood shot eyes tomorrow

i'm always sat there
in your thoughts

waiting for you to break
again.

Problems.

Your problems are no better or worse than mine.
Who made you in charge?
Who showed you how to live in my shoes?

Your feelings are no more valid than mine.
Who said you could use your words as bullets?
Who gave you the right to belittle me?

Your efforts are no better than mine.
Who told you that you're better than me?
Who bestowed you with all the knowledge of everything?

No one.
That is the short answer for all of that.

No.
One.

Happiness.

I dont know what happy feels like.

Is it the sounds of waves in your ears?
Is it the taste of chocolate on your tongue?
Is it the smell of the slow burn of a candle?

Is it the hug of a parent?
Is it the hand that holds yours?
Is it the look of pride in your grandads eyes?

Is it finding the love of your life?
Is it finding your friend for life?
Is it making a family of your own?

I have no idea what happy feels like.

Matchstick.

It's like i'm a matchstick.

Bright and strong at the height of it's life.
Rapidly falling without concern for the fingers holding me.
Burning down as far as i can, without crumbling.
As soon as i get too close to the bottom, that's when you will give up on me.

I'm a matchstick to the people that choose to be close to me.

Stop.

my mind is exhausted
exhausted of the constant flow of thoughts
exhausted of worrying about anything
exhausted of being the only one in my head
exhausted of being in the drivers seat

please enter my head
my head where it needs motivation
my head where nothing stays
my head where nothing leaves
my head where i feel crazy
my head where i feel unloved
my head where i feel unwanted

be on your way
your way out
your way in
your way that i think is better than mine

why can't i be normal?
why can't i teach myself?
why can't i stop questioning everything?

just stop.